Thy Will Be Done

I’m done being a “writer”

In the past year and a half, since the launch of Heir to Song and Sword, my life has been constant change with new challenges. Consistency hasn't been my strongest virtue during this time.

I've had to pick up the pieces of my projects after burning out time and time again, and it seemed like nothing I tried could break this cycle.

No matter how determined I was, or motivated or inspired, no matter what productivity hacks I tried, I just couldn't bring myself to write much for the longest time.

This was no ordinary writer's block. It was as if the ability to put words down had just left me.

So, what's a writer to do when he has no words to write? What's a writer to do when he promised another book and has no ability to deliver in the time he said?

Simple. He had to let go of being a “writer.”

I had to let go of all the expectations I had of myself. I had to let go of all the things I thought I should be doing, and instead listen to what the voice of God was telling me to do.

And, in this time of my life, I realized I was called not to speak, but to listen. God took away my ability to speak so that I had no choice but to hear, to be still. And, in that stillness, I realized the truth of what I had been doing.

I was not writing for others, or for God. I was writing to feel fulfilled. I allowed myself to believe that in order to be loved, I must earn it. I must over-achieve, must perform at my peak.

Anything less would render me unworthy. It left me in a horrible spiral where nothing I did was ever good enough, and lived in constant fear of being rejected for my lack of results. And, eventually, it led to chronic burnout.

But, that sort of love isn't the love that God offers.

28 Come to me, all you that labour, and are burdened, and I will refresh you.

29 Take up my yoke upon you, and learn of me, because I am meek, and humble of heart: and you shall find rest to your souls.

30 For my yoke is sweet and my burden light.

Matthew 11:28-30 Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition

During my hiatus of no writing progress, I spend much time in prayer. I wanted to grow closer to Jesus, and truly learn the life he lived.

After spending some time in Adoration, I got a little taste of that light burden he spoke of, in the stillness. Studying, reflecting and meditating on the lives of the saints, especially our Blessed Mother, I began to understand more, little by little, what a Christ-like life looks like. And, after all is said and done, it can be summed up in these four words:

"Thy will be done."

What matters more than anything else is doing the will of our Heavenly Father. Whether that's writing 10 books in 5 years, or writing one book in 10 years, the result doesn't matter. It's all about cooperating with God's grace and doing all things in Love. Operating in God's Divine Will frees you from all the worldly pressures of this life. Of expectations, desires, ambitions, need for approval, all of it.

I thank God that he slowed me down so that I could catch my breath and see what my real purpose is. And yes, writing is part of it. But, more than that, I am a humble servant, not here to do a great job, but a good job. And I will serve however I'm called to, allowing Him to speak to me in the stillness.